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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29125494">like my mirror years ago</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lua_rosa/pseuds/lua_rosa'>lua_rosa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Character Study, F/F, One Shot, akio is mentioned v briefly, but nothing super gross, i guess, i think often abt how utena and anthy met each other when they were kids but dont seem to remember</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:53:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>755</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29125494</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lua_rosa/pseuds/lua_rosa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"You're a fool, Utena Tenjou," Kozue says to her, once.<br/>"Geez. Why’s that?"<br/>"You're just like Miki," she strokes a blue bird that sleeps in the palm of her hand, "You think these things from the past will remain as they are forever; that they’ll wait for you. They won't. You'll see: one day, you will forget."<br/>She lets the bird go; it flies somewhere else.</em>
</p><p>	Utena gets so, so close to remembering.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Himemiya Anthy &amp; Tenjou Utena, Himemiya Anthy/Tenjou Utena (if u squint)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>like my mirror years ago</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>            It's hard to tell when it first happened, exactly, because as soon as Utena realizes it, she also realizes that she might have been feeling it since the very first time she landed her eyes on Anthy, and only now can she really see it; like a hypnosis that only ends with the snap of a finger.</p><p> </p><p>            One night, Anthy reaches out to hold Utena's across the bed and whispers, tenderly, "I have a prince of my own," and Utena cannot find the courage inside her tight, fearful heart to understand what she means. But it is easy, then, to fall asleep; it's so, so easy to fall asleep next to Anthy and not have to think about anything else.</p><p> </p><p>            If Utena had to point out a specific moment, though, it might have been after her night out in the city with Akio; while the light poles of the night road pass through her eyes like blurs during the drive home, Utena could not relieve her stomach of the feeling that she let go of something very, very important, something she would never get back. A precious thing that she had always carried with her ran away to beyond her line of sight, and she, slow as she was, was left behind.</p><p>            What is it? What is it, in the corner of her eye? Maybe it's a dream she does not remember anymore. After getting home, Utena wakes up in the middle of the night (she never wakes up like that, so suddenly, so it must be special), and feels what seems like a familiar dream disappear into thin air. She can't remember the dream, cannot grasp it no matter how hard she tries, so she turns around to look for Anthy in their bed and finds her awake, facing Utena, gazing back.</p><p>            "Himemiya... Can’t sleep?"</p><p>            "I was looking at you, while you were sleeping," the girl responds, and Utena feels a little dizzy with the fervor, the <em>astonishment</em> with which Anthy looks at her; in a way that she almost never does (<em>Himemiya never</em> <em>worries about anything, </em>Utena knows this, <em>she never does, so why should I have to worry?).</em> The night seems covered by mist, the light of the window glowing faintly through it, Anthy’s green eyes in the center like two stars. She asks, "Who are you?"</p><p>            Utena's chest aches. She does not remember.</p><p> </p><p>            Maybe the answer is Anthy. Maybe the answer is Anthy, because now, Utena looks at her and she seems different, somehow. Isn't Utena herself who is different? Maybe that's it, isn't it? Maybe it's Akio, and the way he kisses her, that makes Utena's heart skip a beat when she looks at Anthy under the courtyard tree, just the two of them and Chuchu in the afternoon breeze, just the two of them— is it her imagination, when Anthy suddenly seems to squirm in pain—? Is it her imagination, when her ears ring and everything goes red—? Is it her imagination, when she feels like she's <em>almost</em> close to seeing Anthy for the <em>first time?</em> Does that make sense? So close, so close...! All she has to do is open the lid... so she can…</p><p>            What was it, again…?</p><p> </p><p>            "You're a fool, Tenjou Utena," Kozue says to her, once.</p><p>            "Geez. Why’s that?"</p><p>            "You're just like Miki," she strokes a blue bird that sleeps in the palm of her hand, "You think these things from the past will remain as they are forever; that they’ll wait for you. They won't. You'll see: one day, you will forget."</p><p>            She lets the bird go; it flies somewhere else.</p><p> </p><p>            One morning, in the garden, Anthy waters the roses and Utena stands by her side in silence, like the old days, and it’s good; it's so good that Utena almost doesn’t notice when she feels that déjà vú again. <em>Almost.</em> Anthy's silhouette against the glass of the garden awakens in Utena a peculiar sensation: it seems that <em>something </em>is waiting for her, has been waiting forever, like a promise. It seems like it’s childhood again; it’s childhood again...</p><p>            "Himemiya... I..."</p><p>            "What is it, Utena-sama?"</p><p>            She does not know.</p><p>            The two kneel, one in front of the other, while Utena plays with the cool water from her bucket. "Himemiya, let me see your face...?"</p><p>            She lets her. It's strange, how it happens; in the blink of an eye there’s something like a spark, a memory in the back of her brain waiting to be remembered. It’s <em>there, </em>it’s right there, then—</p><p>            Then, it's gone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <em>honey you're familiar / like my mirror years ago<br/>idealism sits in prison / chivalry fell on its sword<br/>innocence died screaming / honey ask me, i should know<br/>i slithered here from eden / just to sit outside your door</em>
</p><p>ty for reading this short one! comments are always appreciated !</p></blockquote></div></div>
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